First and foremost, I am not an attorney, psychologist, or law enforcement officer. My expertise in this subject was obtained through experience, being a victim and survivor of sexual harassment on the job, through research, working cases, political activism, educating the public and counseling of victims. I have worked with NOW to get State laws changed and improved; trained the City of Houston Affirmative Action Department to develop policies for training, reporting and investigate sexual harassment complaints.
I had to research this on my own back in 1981. Why? Because the attorneys spoke with at that time could not advise me on the legal process for sexual harassment because most discrimination attorneys did not take sexual harassment cases, most didn’t know it was defined by EEOC. I was told by several that I was crazy to pursue it, that nobody wanted to address or investigate this type of discrimination and there was no money in it for them. It didn’t take me long, but I proved that they were dead wrong. More importantly, from personal experience I knew the potential long term effects of this type of abuse which has the same emotional impact as sexual assault and sexual abuse. Victims often suffered from PTSD because of it.
After I began outlining information to write this article, I realized how vast and voluminous this topic was; and that was just the information I carried around in my head. In order to know and understand the law, the impact of case law, how to fight this on the job, what the EEOC process is, how to measure the dept of psychological damage this causes for victims, understand how to build your case, etc., I came to realize rather quickly that it could not be covered in one short article. So, now I have decided to put together a book.
What I am going to cover in this article is the question I see women asking most often on social media. Why don’t women fight back? Why didn’t they report it? To begin with you must understand that sexual harassment is not done for sexual gratification by the harasser. It is purely and simply a power play. Just like rape, the harasser gets gratification by the power they weld the sexual contact secondary.
They are most likely your boss or a higher up in the chain of your command. They have power over your job performance, promotions, pay raises or whether or not you keep your job. Women, like myself at that time, are often younger, single parents barely making ends meet and cannot afford to lose their jobs, they are easier targets,but any woman, any age can be a victim and preyed upon at work. Conversely, why should I leave a job I like because a man can keep control of himself?
Women often don’t know what their rights are or how to report the harassment either within or outside of the company. Complaining to other women, often even older women who have been with the company longer, the general answer I got was, “we all had to put of with it. You just have to expect that kind of treatment from men at work.” They considered it some sick right of passage for working women. My answer to that was, “Bullshit!” I didn’t instigate anything…nor do other victims.
Generally, from my own experience and hundreds of other victims at that time, women did not stick up for one another. Often, if they suspected a woman was being harassed, they shunned her. Unfortunately, women still don’t stick up for one another at work, because the reality today is this: We know from the complaints made against Trump that at best he is a serial harasser because there is a victim zero from 20 years ago as well as repeated offenses over a long period of time. What woman in her right mind would vote for any man for public office who is a known serial harasser or abuser of women? I used the word ‘known’ because the long pattern of abuse of victims who didn’t know each other, proves to me the action is no longer alleged. As a matter of fact, they would have a prima facie case under the law by showing that history of abuse which would substantiate their charges. They could get the EEOC right to sue letter and march right into court. But that is covered at a later time. Many women who believed the lies about Hillary, continue to blame women for the obnoxious, abusive behavior of men. Hence, we now have a sexual predator residing in the White House masquerading as a President. But I digress…
So things have improved somewhat since 1981, but why does it still happen? Because it is repulsive behavior that women are embarrassed and ashamed to have to admit. Second, if they are not reporting how will subsequent potential victims be forewarned? If it is reported, it is minimized and kept hush-hush by the company.
Fact: Non-reporting empoweres the harasser to continue with their behavior.
Fact: Any company who silently allows this behavior to continue is also a company who fosters disparate treatment which has a disparate impact on women at that company. Meaning you are most likely not getting equal pay and equal opportunity to advance.
This abuse continues in the workplace because we have not had that conversation between women or men. If we cannot educate women and men to change attitudes about this type of discrimination and empowered women to stand up to this abuse, we cannot change how we are viewed by men. That is a definitive hallmark we must reach if our goal is for equality. On the flip side, men who know about this at the office and don’t speak out are basically accesories to the abuse after the fact. Something for men to chew on.
Comments like I saw Donna Karan make today, “Well, look at the way women dress. They are just asking for it!” I have to admit, I almost picked up the TV and hurled it across the bedroom, because, I was thunderstruck that a woman today made such a condescending remark about other women. Justifiably, a woman with that attitude is more dangerous to other women than men are. Why, because her acceptance of that behavior from men continues to support and approve that pattern of behavior from men and endangers the wellbeing of all of the other women in the workplace and in life in general.
I’ve got news for you, no woman asks for it. That is a way to excuse the harasser or rapist, by blaming women; that women are responsible for a man’s behavior. We have been hearing that one for centuries. We have changed views about rape victims and victims of child sexual abuse, but have not come full circle to make that attitude change about female victims at work.
Sexual harassment comes in all forms ranging from verbal innuendo to actual sexual and physical assault. I have heard it all though the calls on my hotline years ago. It is humiliating and embarrassing to have endure this; then you have to go and tell someone about it. To add insult to injury It is demeaning, erodes to your self-esteem and rots your self-confidence to endure facing that abuser day after day after day.
So, now we know women can’t define what it is, cannot get help from other women, don’t know where or how to report the harassment, endured daily contact with the abuser that destroys their self-confidence. The last one is the biggest stumbling block and to me was the most important in preventing a victim in reporting the sexual harassment. You have no tangible proof. It is a he said; she said situation. Once is a great while, I would come across a victim that actually had a honest to God witness, however, that witness was not willing to come forward.
And that, my friends, are all of the reasons why women stay silent and don’t report the sexual harassment. Very similar to victims of rape or child sexual abuse. They don’t want to lose their job, miss out on that promotion or raise that they need and don’t generally have support or help from other women. Until, they called my hotline.
Fortunately, I was quick to anger and am generally a fearless person by nature, it was my belief that nobody should have to put up with disgusting treatment at work and that anger and outrage made me haul my ass to EEOC to make a complaint.
This brings us to the next article or chapter in my book, how the hell do you get evidence? Ah, I have to offer some inducement for coming back. I will admit that I always had to do some convincing with my victims when I told them just what they needed to do to get that evidence they needed. I got to know some very brave ladies through all of this process.
Site Title 